Apologize I Will Not

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The only way I can really describe it, is that it feels like the oxygen is being let back into my lungs. My skin is now getting its color back and the curves of my lips are once more in a comfort being turned up.
The deep gray clouds that took home over me are now dissipating and the aftermath is another octave of elevation in my centerness within myself.
A spiritual growth. An emotion rebuilding.
I’ve gone through this once before but it was influenced heavily by others and how I was left feeling after being let down..
This time around it was all internal.
I kept ignoring the feelings telling myself, “this isn’t the right time. You don’t have the time to break down now.”
And the more I ignored it and didn’t take ME seriously and figured I’s just await whatever this was to pass….
It didn’t. It only got worse until it grew to the point I couldn’t breathe.
The simplest things upset me.
I could no longer control my emotional breakdowns.
I could sleep 12 hours and still feel like I only laid down for 5 minutes.

This darkness crept in without my permission and some of it I could place and some of it I cannot… and a portion of it I’m starting to unpack with reluctance.
I isolated myself. I withdrew into me.
The best way for me to repair myself was to attend to myself properly and I couldn’t do that with constant questions of concern, worry and their emotions being latched to mine. I needed that space so I took that space…
And as I am blooming back to fullness, I make no apologies for my ‘MEcation’.
I for once made myself a priority.
And to keep the growth going I have been research therapy options because I want my mind and heart to be as sound as it can possibly be.

This world is harsh. Unforgiving. People are harsh. Unforgiving. Extreme in expectations and I just needed to mute that shit as much as I could.
The mind is a fragile place and I want to keep mine intact.
I don’t feel the same. Not really sure if I’m suppose to.
But I feel even stronger than my last bought of this.
And my picture is once again coming back into focus.

In the name of Self care and in honor of May being Mental Health Awareness month this is my current state of being as I am pulling myself back up.

Optimal Health

Although I am on a weight loss journey, there are other areas of me that need attention as well. And usually that is the case with many. I am focused on optimal health. Optimal Health is a balance of physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual health.

Physical

physical health is about being in a good and healthy condition, nutritionally, fitness wise, and being drug free. Maintaining good cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Are you at risk for diabetes? Treat your body kindly. I’m guilty of not always doing that. Eating all the wrong things that makes me at risk for diabetes, not being as physically active as necessary.

Emotional

Your emotional health is very important. If I am in bad mood, depressed, hurt, or angry I will either not eat or eat all the wrong stuff. I neglect my health. and its a roller coaster effect on my physical, social, and maybe even spiritual well being. Do things that encourage a positive emotional state. Eliminate toxic people in your life. Meditate. Being physically active can calm you and put you in better spirits. If you have old feelings from your past that haunt you. Deal with them. Make peace with it. I know its easier said than done but find ways to mend that because simply saying “I don’t care” and brushing it under the rug does nothing for you.

I don’t like to stay in a bad mood for long periods of time. I myself have experienced something very traumatic and hurtful but I refuse to just sit on it and not find ways to get over it and move on. Its not always easy but it is very necessary if I am serious about making a change for the better and making room for better.

Social

Social health is about having stable relationships with friend, family, colleagues, peers. Having a sense of confidence and security within yourself. If you have individuals in your life that are more negative than positive, keep them at bay. Surround yourself with positive people doing positive things in life. Maintain a healthy emotional state because if you are in a bad emotional state it can affect your relationships with friends, family, lovers, etc.

As stated before I experienced something that hurt me a lot and it put in a reclusive state of mind. I was depressed and I didn’t want to be accessible to be people or be social with anyone and to date…HA! No way. I am in a better place. Still a work in progress, but I am more aware of what I do and do not want in my life. I have come along way in this little life of mine. I am what you would call introverted but I am in the process of being more social and putting myself out there per se. That is part of why this site was created. To work on being more social as well as promote business wise….that will come eventually so in the meantime you guys get to learn all about me and hopefully engage in some of these discussions.

Spiritual

Spiritual health is a having a healthy belief or faith in a greater power and in understanding and fulfilling your purpose in life. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with God, Allah, Jehovah there are many things you can do whether it be attending church services if that’s your thing, reading scriptures. Praying. Meditating. Personally I don’t focus to much on the church but more so praying everyday and acknowledging my many blessings. Remembering to not just pray when in a time of need but just simply saying “Thank You.” Meditation is amazing. It’s calming and it centers you. You can use that time to talk to God or to focus on you and your purpose.

Intellectual

Intellectual health is exhibiting the ability to set and achieve career, educational and financial  goals. Always, always, always stay educated. Be knowledgeable about what’s going on in the world around you. It’s not about having a formal degree but about learning from others and finding inspiration on a daily basis. Nothing is sexier than an knowledgeable and ambitious individual. Have goals in life and don’t just sit on them. Put them in motion no matter how far fetched they may seem. You deserve to at least try. even if you don’t succeed at least you can say you tried. Still not sure what you want to do in life? That’s okay as long as you are actively trying out differing avenues to determine what you ultimately gravitate towards. Now….I’m sorry but if you damn near 40 and you still don’t know what u want in life you either full of excuses, indecisive, or lazy as hell. pick one. I am 28. and just last year I made the decision to pursue my real  dreams vs. the one I forced myself to accept. Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer like myself but there are limitations to that.

So be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Nurture yourself. Be comfortable with you. And make sure not to focus so much on one aspect and neglect the others. In order to be a well rounded healthy happy being you must nurture all areas.

With Love,

Mohna Lyssaa