Table for 1: Singular

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Being single is not a death sentence. Sure its not ideal but the time spent stressing about your singularity is time and energy misused. But then again what do I know… I am 31 years old and I have only experienced fragments of love. No genuine commitments. No Flowers and chocolates. No corny notes. No heartfelt ‘I love you’s.  No extended efforts. No Valentine. No sweetie for sweetest day. No mistletoe kiss. No “Happy New Year” embrace. No, “I just want to be around you.”

And I am Okay.

I accept my part in this everlasting single status. I know I am not the most open and only a small few have had the pleasure of being invited….more so from persistence. But invited none the less. Can I just say, when you are in the midst of discovering your own personality and really have no true definition of one self, you are liable to fall for anything…and/or unaware of how to go about digging a little deeper into the true essence of another.

But i still have no regrets.

Those fragments have actually helped me find my personality. They helped me learn my likes and dislikes. Those fragments were experiences. Teachers of life. I regret none of them. I learned something new from each of them. I have been exposed with each lesson. And because I accept this truth…

I am not bitter.

And patience is a virtue, right?

I am 31. Preparing to live my  life as I see fit. And allow love to enter in as it may. Transform organically; as it is meant to. I will be mindful of my lessons that have thoroughly prepared me for the moment I graduate from a singular to plural. But until then I will continue to appreciate the breath in my body, all 4 seasons in a 365 time frame, the life that i bore from one of the fragments, and my gift for transforming experiences into creative works of art.

Singular status has given me much clarity and allowed me to connect with the most amazing person i have ever met…

ME.

Because if you don’t take the time to connect with yourself and build yourself up, what good can you be to someone else?

 

sidenote: this is a retro post I found in my draft folder. I decided to still share because the feelings expressed I can still relate to despite now dating. I am now 33.

 

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Table for 1: Trust

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I do not trust your words.

I cannot trust your actions if they are not aligned with what you speak.

I am special.

The Powers that Be and my mama told me so.

My Daddy respects me.

So, you sir are not permitted to shake up my world without pure intentions.

I want what i want and i only compromise with the deserving.

I foolishly allowed another to partake in breaking my spirit once and i learned never to permit that again.

The Plus side…

I came back stronger than ever and he don’t even know it.

He refused to acknowledge my light.

You must acknowledge and respect my light as I know no other way than to work at making yours shine brighter.

Be Fair.

Be Kind.

Be Love.

Earn this trust.

And we shall be just fine.

Mohna Lyssaa.

3 am: Mystique

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Caught in a an endless cycle she misplaced herself…

And she only hoped for the day that someone would come across her missing essence and return it to her.

At a loss of where even to begin searching and not even realizing that rebuilding was an option she continued on…

The Bills.

The Kids.

The House.

Groceries.

Laundry.

Work.

He who wanted no parts of this abandoned the responsibilities.

And it was then that she began to lose herself in the cycle…

Fighting to maintain…

she became less of a priority.

And no one there to remind her of her significance to the universe. No one to nurture delicate nature of her as a woman.

’Til One day…

“Come on Kids lets go  before we’re late.” she yelled down the hall. “Im going to the mailbox and everyone has 2 minutes to meet me out at the car.”

She stepped out the door and noticed 2 roses on the windshield of her car.

“What in the world,” she whispered to herself as she looked left then right  down the street in bewilderment.

With the roses was an envelope tucked under one of the wiper blades.

“Ooooohhh, whats that mom? Who is that from?” asked one of the kids.

“Get in the car.” she replied

After dropping them off at school, she headed back home to fall back into her cycle, on her day off, of maintaining the household duties.

She took a seat on the couch and opened the envelope…

“ You Are Beautiful” 

Not sure whether to be frightened by the mystery of it all she surprisingly found herself to be more flattered than anything.

Its been a while since she felt that way so the feeling was a bit warming.

The next day…

As she was planted fresh flowers in her yard…

“Hi there care for some assistance?”

Slightly startled she looked up to see an attractive man, “Hey, no i think i can manage. But thank you though.”

“Ok. Well do you mind if i keep you company while you work?”

Amused, flattered, and confused all at once she smiled, “Sure.”

“My name is Austin.”

“Stacie.”

“You’re Beautiful Stacie.” he expressed, “ and something tells me its been a while since you’ve heard those words.”

Stacie stopped what she was doing feeling a since of sadness in the truth of his revelation and warmth from the kind words…

“Thank You. Is it safe to say you are responsible for the note and roses?”

“Yes.”

Stacie walked over to him and stood about a foot away. “Are you stalking me?”

Austin let out a light laugh. “Not at all. Just an admirer that has taken notice of you. I live in the house across your back yard and i sit outside on my patio a lot and i just watch you tend to your yard. Tend to your kids. I watch you work hard, so focused that never once did see me in plain sight. I watched from afar enough to see that you could use some tenderness.”

Not sure what to say she stared at him searching for words…

what to say…

Im sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, I just—-“

“ NO. No…your fine. Im just a little speechless, not really sure what to say.”

“Thats okay. I really just came to introduce myself and deliver the compliment. I do have to go but i will be back to see you again.”

Not sure what else to say, she replied, “Ok.”

Two days later….

Late into the night after the kids were long sleep, unable to sleep HE crossed her mind…

she threw on her robe and headed to the kitchen for a cup of tea and while she awaiting the kettle to whistle she walked to the patio door….

To glance across the yard…

At 3am…

*tea kettle whistled*

As she was preparing her tea…

There was a knock at the patio door.

She walked to the patio door and there HE was with a gorgeous smile on his face.

She embarrassingly smiled back and cracked the door…

“You were looking for me?”…

what was once lost has been found.

At 3am.

Mohna Lyssaa

TABLE FOR 1

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The touch of his hands against my skin.

The feel of his lips against mine.

The look in his eyes that wraps me in love and safety.

The scent of him that ignites fires.

His wisdom that makes rivers flow….

Is all within my fantasies.

I do not know this man.

I wish to.

But…

My head and my heart are at a constant battle.

Ive grown to be so accustomed to my singular life that the desires of HIM are foreign to me.

I can literally only imagine how it feels to be desired by another beyond the lustful eye.

There is a part of me locked behind a barrier and I cant seem to break free.

I know my worth and i have taken such drastic steps to protect my spirit that i struggle with freeing myself enough to explore..

To Learn.

To Experience.

To Play.

To Grow.

To Bond.

To Touch.

To Be Touched.

This is my chronicle of transitioning into dating at the age of 31 as I have been single for most of my adult life. Learning to step outside of myself.

Mohna. Lyssaa

 

WHEN BEING A “GOOD GUY” IS NOT ENOUGH

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“SHE ASKS FOR A GOOD MAN BUT IGNORES THE ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.”

“I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED BUT YOU PREFER THE GUY THATS GON’ DISRESPECT YOU”

“FEMALES DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT”

“YOU’RE SHALLOW”

“YOU NEED TO GIVE THE GUY YOU WOULDN’T NORMALLY LOOK TWICE AT A SHOT.”

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MANY WOMEN HAVE HEARD ONE OR MORE OF THE ABOVE LINES OR VARIATIONS OF THEM. IN SOME CASES THEY ARE VERY TRUE, BUT IN OTHERS I’D LIKE TO THINK IT IS A DEFAULT RESPONSE WHEN ONE IS BEING REJECTED.

I SEE YOU. I AM AWARE OF YOUR POTENTIAL. I AM AWARE OF YOUR INTENTIONS. BUT BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU DOESNT MEAN I AM BLIND OR SELF ABSORBED.

I USED TO BE BOTHERED TO SOME DEGREE WHEN ONE OF THE ABOVE LINES WERE SAID TO ME. IT IRRITATED ME AND EVEN PISSED ME OFF AND I THINK “THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH?”

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A HALF WAY DECENT PERSON DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY A GOOD MAN IN A RELATIONSHIP.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HOLD OPEN DOORS, GIVE COMPLIMENTS ,  AND WE HAVE BOMB ASS CONVERSATIONS AND YOU EXPRESS YOUR INTEREST IN ME BUT YOUR TRACK RECORD IN PAST RELATIONSHIPS REFLECT A CHEATER, A LIAR,  AND FALSE INTENTIONS AND I AM AWARE OF ALL OF THIS….WHERE IS THE MOTIVATION FOR ME TO ENTER A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU? I CANNOT HOLD OUT HOPE THAT “IT WILL BE DIFFERENT WITH ME.” I AM NO ONES TEST DUMMY.

JUST BECAUSE YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF  A GOOD GUY….DOESNT MEAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE  A GOOD GUY.

AND THE GUYS USING WOMEN FOR SHELTER AND PLAYING LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT HER FOR A PLACE TO STAY ARE WACK TOO, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 30. BUT THATS A WHOLE NOTHER TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME.

ACTIONS DO SPEAK MUCH LOUDER THAN WORDS, BUT BOTH MUST BE GENUINE AND SINCERE.

I HAVE GAINED A CLEARER UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT KIND OF MAN I WANT IN MY LIFE THROUGH THE YEARS . SO ALTHOUGH YOU MAY BE A DECENT GUY. YOU MAY NOT BE  THE GUY FOR ME. I AM ENTITLED TO TAKE MY TIME UNTIL I CROSS PATHS WITH MY COMPLEMENTARY ENERGY. BECAUSE HONESTLY, WHO WANTS TO SETTLE OR BE THE ONE SOMEONE IS SETTLING FOR?

WHEN DECIDING WHO I FEEL IS WORTH MY TIME, IT GOES A BIT DEEPER THAN SIMPLY HOW YOU TREAT ME. I WATCH HOW YOU ARE WITH OTHERS, HOW YOU HANDLE SITUATIONS, AND HOW YOU RESPOND TO NEGATIVE ENERGY. YOU MAY BE ALL SWEET AND PEACHES AND CREAM WITH ME BUT A COMPLETE PRICK TO THE REST OF THE WORLD….THAT DOESNT SIT RIGHT WITH ME EITHER. THAT ALONE TELLS ME ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THAT TYPE OF ATTITUDE BECOMES DIRECTED MY WAY. SO I SHALL PASS ON ENGAGING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

BEFORE BEING SO QUICK TO WRITE A WOMAN OFF AS OVERLOOKING YOU. BEING SHALOW. OR PREFERRING DISRESPECT, TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON WHO YOU ARE TRULY SHOWING YOURSELF TO BE VERSES YOUR INTENTIONS. THE ENERGY YOU GIVE OFF AS AN INDIVIDUAL AFFECTS THE ENERGY YOU CREATE TOGETHER.

I SAW A QUOTE NOT TOO LONG AGO AND IT WAS VERY RIGHT ON. IT SAID THAT “WE TEND TO JUDGE OTHERS BY THEIR ACTIONS AND OURSELVES BY OUR INTENTIONS.”

JUST MY THOUGHTS ON A SUNDAY.

M O H N A  L Y S S A A

Love’s Fine Print

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We Humans love for things to be black and white. We seek clear defined answers. But the reality is that life is really anything but black and white. These areas are what I refer to as Life’s fine print. The exceptions to the rule. Most of us don’t like those. Some are better at accepting them than others. This is more so true when it comes to Love….

There is  a storyline in one one of my upcoming projects that is very interesting for me. I had to step outside of my own personal opinions in order to write it.

See, I am very much a believer in being faithful within your marriage. And if you are not happy within your marriage you need to get out of it. Deceiving your spouse is unacceptable. But what if there is this other side…the gray area. Love’s fine print…

I explore this idea that two people of opposite sexes  meet and what started out as an innocent enough friendship somewhere along the way turns into genuine love. But one of the two is married. What if the person you married is not your soulmate despite all things going well. You are happy and content within your union until you meet this other soul that makes you feel things you have never felt before. All those feelings you have for you spouse are more along the lines of contentment, familiarity, attachment and this other person awakens that “this is the one” inside of you. Its not a lustful thing. Its not a matter of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. And you weren’t even looking for extramarital activities. Because you never felt it before you perceived the love you felt before as being that “this is the one.”

I do believe, although rare, but possible that some get married thinking they are marrying their soulmate but not really. See this is the scary shit about love and marriage. Making a mistake and giving too much of my time to the wrong one…and potentially marrying the wrong one. Now true enough there are signs but what if those signs are simply overlooked as just one of relationships ups and downs.

Any who, getting back on track, i  explore the idea that without meaning to sometimes a person finds their soulmate after having already entered into a union with someone else. And they are then left with this huge decision to walk away from this soulmate and continue life with their spouse who they will continue to love but not as wholeheartedly as they would their TRUE love. Or…walking away from life as you know it and building a new one with your TRUE love.

Now, I’m not saying leaving a spouse for another is right….but Im also not saying its wrong either.Most who do are foul. But what I’m exploring is that small group where the unexpected happens.

Do you believe in Soulmates? Or being with your Soulmate at all cost? What do you think of these gray areas of love? Do you find this to be wrong no matter the situation?

Well stay tuned as I explore this very dynamic in one of my upcoming projects….

Where being the side chick was totally frowned upon….until you became one.

 

 

With Love,

Mohna Lyssaa

 

 

Patron On Ice

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I hate this place.

I don’t know how i seem to find my way back here…..but i do.

“You are okay. You are an adult. And part of being an adult is sucking it up. Putting your big girl draws on and taking care of your responsibilities and putting everything else on ice. ”

“You are strong. You MUST remain strong. You cant let people see you cry. You cannot show your vulnerability.”

“Life will not always be this way. You must see the light at the end of the tunnel. All of your hard work will pay off.”

“Keep pushing. Keep Pushing. You must keep pushing……”

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I constantly feel like I am having an out of body experience and I am just watching myself go through the motions.

I feel absolutely neurotic. I’m not sure if its just in my DNA or if I am in love with making myself crazy. I feel stuck and I know the only reason I am here is because of me. And the only person that can fix this….is me. In order to fix my life dissatisfaction, I must first stop the pacifying and self-numbing talk and actually admit to myself what I am feeling and why. This is a brand spanking new year. I have officially crossed over from my twenties and cant start it off this way. I refuse.

Something has been sitting in the pit of me for sometime and the more I have ignored. Masked it. Numbed it. The larger it grew. “It will pass. This is just temporary. Things will get better just be patient.” There goes that self numbing again. This morning that mass grew so big I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. This morning I was on edge. I felt it coming….the meltdown. But God, I cant do this in front of the little one. She can’t see this. And I have to go to work. I don’t have time for this. I have dropped the little one off for school, I begin my journey to work. Its happening. I came up with an excuse and called in to work. I know she didn’t believe me when I said I was sick but  i honestly don’t even care. I mean, i honestly couldn’t call in to work and say, “I’m just not feeling it today. My sadness has set in and taken over and I cant function properly right now.”

I turned around and headed home and….i cried. I couldn’t hold it any longer. Where is this coming from?

I feel like my life is in absolute disarray and I don’t know where to begin. So i sit and i have a cup of coffee because that’s what adults do right? Right. I sit in silence and i decide while I try to make sense of my emotions I will start by cleaning my physical surroundings. Hopefully by the time I am done I will begin to understand why I am overcome with so much sadness today.  I wash the dishes. I sort all of the dirty clothes. I begin washing clothes. I wash the mirrors. I clean the living room. I clean the bedrooms. And now I sit. I think it is finally time to admit what is troubling me.

I am lonely.

Damn.

I love my parents. They are the most supportive people in my life. They protect me as much as they can. I love my circle of friends. I know they have my back through and through but….when I get home, its just me. And the love from the aforementioned does not. cannot replace the love that is desired by a mate.  Why is this so hard to admit?

Adults don’t speak of this. You don’t dare. You can’t admit that. Don’t you know lonely people are desperate. And that my friend is not attractive.

But this is not true. I don’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I rather take my time in building a relationship with the right person for me that can grow organically into love. I am not on a hunt for man. I don’t spend every free moment desiring a man. But I do acknowledge that missing space in my life. Now that my parents have officially relocated, I no longer have the distraction of what is lacking. So why not just start dating then?

My mental is holding me back. I told you I was neurotic.

issue #1: I have been single so long that I seriously get overwhelmed with the thought of opening myself up and making myself more inviting. I struggle with this. Badly.

issue #2: I fear rejection because of my insecurities. yeah I know. Lame right. But its true. I acknowledge that I am not physically comfortable. And I am working on it. But in the meantime, my dissatisfaction with my body is weighing on my mind so tough  that there is no way I can convince someone else that I am desirable when I don’t feel it myself. Now don’t get it twisted. I love myself. I think I have an amazing personality if i do say so myself, however my physical comfortability does matter to me and I’m just not there yet.

issue #3: Past experiences. Let me start by saying, I know every man is not the same. But my choices of  men in the past weren’t the best and the last two were really bad experiences for me. I would be lying if I said that I was unaffected and that it didn’t have an impact on my reluctance to try dating again.

issue #4: I fear being single the rest of my life if i don’t get it together.

issue#5: Aside from my weight issue and state of loneliness, I have dreams that I am fighting to make a reality and it is becoming very hard to continue walking into a job I don’t like just to keep the bills paid until something actually pops off with my entrepreneurial endeavors. I’m bored with it and I’m just ready to be done with it.

I share this because I think I have kept it to myself long enough and I want others to know its nothing wrong with admitting when something is off in your life. Some times in this adult life we just aren’t vulnerable enough. Even just with ourselves. I don’t feel good about my current state of being. But i do feel better after finally admitting what is troubling me. Now, I can begin to take the necessary steps in bringing balance to my life.

Peace, Love, and Happiness,

M O H NA || L Y S S A A

 

Donald’s Daughter: He Gave Me Balance

 

 

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Many of my friends, associates, and/or people that I have crossed paths with in this life have come from single parent homes. And not only is the father absent from the home….he is absent from their lives.

A woman cannot create life without a man. A man cannot create life without a woman. If it takes both to bring this human life into existence…why do so many falter and fail to understand that both are essential in guiding this child into an adult?

I was blessed to have both parents in the home and my father wasn’t just someone who was there…he was very active in my brother and I’s lives. Even to this day he makes sure we have what we need within the limits that he can provide and just like my mother he is ALWAYS encouraging and uplifting. Being around my dad is my safe place. Whenever I am distraught, unsettled, and just simply needing a refresh….I go home. Where I am always welcome.

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Going through my puberty stage was a bitch…let me tell you. I was in the process of trying to figure myself out, hormones all over the place, and crying for no other reason than my hormones forcing me to do so…through this my dad didn’t understand it and I believed he expected me to be able to control it. With me being the first born and him never dealing with puberty before as a parent….it was 3 to 4 years of misunderstandings. Nonetheless, I am happy he cared enough about me to pester me throughout my puberty years in trying to understand me and take extra steps to bond with me.

My daddy is very special to me. Throughout my childhood I have watched him work his ass off to make sure his family is taken care of. He has protected his family from toxic people and situations. He has taken his family on trips. Every morning he would do my hair (until i got old enough to do it myself) and take me and my brother to school. I watched him treat my mother with love and affection and that was my first teacher in how a woman is to be treated and how a relationship/marriage is suppose to be.

There are many  things I have learned from my daddy. Just like my mother he too is kind, supportive, charismatic, and silly.  But the best and most important thing he has done for me is be present in my life and creating balance. I love you and I thank you everyday.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy!!!

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Donna’s Daughter: things my mother taught me

“Ain’t a woman alive that could take my mama’s place”
“I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I’m hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus”
“I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me”
“But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated”
-Tupac
“Dear Mama”

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I am blessed. God chose for me to have a mother that is loving, kind, graceful, and non-judgmental. knowing when it’s appropriate to give constructive criticism and when to just be supportive. Many have not been blessed to be born to a mother of this nature or to experience a mom period. But GOD saw different for me.

My childhood was a happy and fun filled one. I didn’t grow up in a house of fighting and arguing. Yelling and shouting. Or even deprivation. We had talks. Family talks. We ate meals together. We travelled as a family to other states just because and we had family movie nights. Life was good.

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My mother has taught me LOVE. Unconditional Love. I was never left to feel neglected, unworthy or even undeserving. She taught me strength and high esteem for oneself. I have made many mistakes in this life and in love but I was never told “I told you so.” She understood and still understands that I have to learn from my own mistakes but that’s not to say advice isn’t given.

When I decided to pursue what I considered to be a non-practical career away from what I went to school for I was surprisingly met with nothing but support and even told “don’t feel like you wasted your degree or your time going to school.” I don’t know how many people can say that. Instead of shielding myself and my brother my mother and father both always even to this day encouraged us to always put forth the utmost effort and if it doesn’t work out…well, at least you gave it your all.

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My mother taught me to be a giver. I can recall my parents experiencing financial blessings on various occasions and sharing it with myself and my brother. It’s not something we really had knowledge of but because their lives don’t revolve around that mighty dollar they took joy in sharing with their kids. She has given a ride to a stranger that needed it. She has opened up her home to several friends and family that needed it. She gives her time, her ear, and her compassion. She’s been trying to teach me patience my whole life….we still working on that.

My mother has taught me what a wife…what a good wife is like. There have been times when I just didn’t understand some of her decisions but naturally I’m thinking from a single woman’s perspective. A more selfish standpoint. I watch her and my fathers interactions and I see genuine whole hearted love. I see compromise. Support. Affection. Respect. Trust. Happiness.

You are my heart and the ideal woman of whom I look to when I need to check myself. You are LOVE and I wouldn’t change anything about you.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

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I’m going to take this time to celebrate myself a little bit. …

I am six years into this motherhood thing. Sometimes it still feels surreal that this little person refers to me as mommy and holds this amount of love and adoration for me. I do my best to ensure she is protected. Happy. And grows into an intelligent free thinking young lady. To accomplish this I naturally look to my mothers example. “What Would Donna Do?”

Having Sumaya has taught me love on another level. And she too is teaching me patience. She helps me in becoming a worth while woman because with her looking up to me I have to be sure to make wise decisions.
I do hope to one day have another child or two. And I know Sumaya would be more than thrilled when that day comes because right now all I hear are request for a little brother. Motherhood is scary when you are single and when it’s your first. And hopefully one day I will cross paths with my significant other and we can expand on this family and I can continue to learn, grow, and teach what I have learned from Donna.

With Love,
Donna’s Daughter

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High Standards, Low Standards, I’m Not Budging on my Standards

This is always an interesting topic of discussion. Have you ever been around someone that just had this ridiculous list of things their mate must poseess in order to even get a side eye in their direction? Or how about someone that just simply had no standards at all whatsoever? Or maybe you fit the mold of either of the two…

In my twenty something years of life I have grown each year and through my experiences what I do and do not want in a mate has become more and more defined. I can admit in the beginning I was very laxed..maybe too laxed as far as my standards. Im just simply someone that likes to go with the flow and not get so caught up in checklist but I have learned that it is good maybe even essential as an adult in the dating world to have some standards set in place. Many I do believe whether their standards are high or low often end up disappointed for a number of reasons. Now I am no dating/relationship expert but these are just my opinions based on experiences and observations.

When dating many are hoping for this…..

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But often times end up like this…

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The standards that a person sets in place for their mate says alot about their character as a person. When it comes to High Standards, I actually believe that there should be more men and women with them. Just make sure that they arent toggling the line of reality and “in my deepest dreams.” Expecting your mate to have a vehicle, a career/decent job, an educaton (formal or informal), good grammar may appear to be superficial to some but I honestly think these are just standards. Now if you, yourself dont possess any of these things and hardly working towards these basics then you my friend are requesting a lot. People that are more established like to be with someone that is EQUALLY established.

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Those With Potential

This type is usually the hardest to evaluate whether or not to give a shot. These are the ones that have dreams, smart, and have the potential to be very successful if they just apply themselves. The dilhemma arises because sometimes with the right push, motivatior/believer behind them they become motivated and encouraged to follow their dreams/successes. But, that isnt always the case. With all the potential in the world and encouraging force behind them, the Potentials STILL dont live up to their potenial. No woman or man wants to put all the work and energy into a relationship that their mate cant meet them halfway on regardless of how much you love that person. Potential does not pay bills or put food on the table, but in the same breathe you dont want to get so caught up in the fact that that person is not where you want them to be that you overlook their efforts and hustle to change their circumstances. So basically with this one, actions speak louder than words. If their hustle matches their desire to fulfill their dreams then he/she may be worth giving a chance and just use that time to build on the relationship.

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Compromise

If you have high standards you must be willing to compromise on some of them. No single person is going to meet all of the qualities you seek; just make sure you dont compromise the important ones. Example: dont pass up a good guy or woman because she doesnt have the physique you desire but she holds all the other personality and life qualities. Looks change and you can find ways to work with him or her together without being an asshole about it. Now, on the other hand if you just arent attracted to that person; you just arent attracted to them, but refrain one again from being a douchbag about it.

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Low Standards

This is never good. In your mind, you may believe that you are just being open and flexible and going with the flow. Ummm…thats cool to an extent. Keep in mind that what you allow determines how a person will treat you. If those standards are not in place in the beginning it certainly is not going to work later because your mate has already gotten accustomed to a certain way and please beleieve they will fight tooth and nail to keep things how they are to their advantage. You will be accused of changing and that is okay. Change is not always a bad thing. If he/she cannot accept the changes you are making then its just simply time to move on.

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People with low standards tend to be more passive and less confident and those with higher standards are more assertive and knowing of their worth. I myself have gone from low standards to high standards and I make no apologies for it.

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Please Please Please…….

Dont confuse high standards with Gold Digging. Gold diggers qualities are mostly all centered around money and material things. Someone with high standards seeks someone that is honest, trustworthy, ambitious, educated (formally/informally) established within a career and has a vehicle, whether it be honda or a benz. Know the difference and know your worth.

What are your standards and views on dating standards?

Love,

Mohna Lyssaa