TABLE FOR 1

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The touch of his hands against my skin.

The feel of his lips against mine.

The look in his eyes that wraps me in love and safety.

The scent of him that ignites fires.

His wisdom that makes rivers flow….

Is all within my fantasies.

I do not know this man.

I wish to.

But…

My head and my heart are at a constant battle.

Ive grown to be so accustomed to my singular life that the desires of HIM are foreign to me.

I can literally only imagine how it feels to be desired by another beyond the lustful eye.

There is a part of me locked behind a barrier and I cant seem to break free.

I know my worth and i have taken such drastic steps to protect my spirit that i struggle with freeing myself enough to explore..

To Learn.

To Experience.

To Play.

To Grow.

To Bond.

To Touch.

To Be Touched.

This is my chronicle of transitioning into dating at the age of 31 as I have been single for most of my adult life. Learning to step outside of myself.

Mohna. Lyssaa

 

High Standards, Low Standards, I’m Not Budging on my Standards

This is always an interesting topic of discussion. Have you ever been around someone that just had this ridiculous list of things their mate must poseess in order to even get a side eye in their direction? Or how about someone that just simply had no standards at all whatsoever? Or maybe you fit the mold of either of the two…

In my twenty something years of life I have grown each year and through my experiences what I do and do not want in a mate has become more and more defined. I can admit in the beginning I was very laxed..maybe too laxed as far as my standards. Im just simply someone that likes to go with the flow and not get so caught up in checklist but I have learned that it is good maybe even essential as an adult in the dating world to have some standards set in place. Many I do believe whether their standards are high or low often end up disappointed for a number of reasons. Now I am no dating/relationship expert but these are just my opinions based on experiences and observations.

When dating many are hoping for this…..

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But often times end up like this…

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The standards that a person sets in place for their mate says alot about their character as a person. When it comes to High Standards, I actually believe that there should be more men and women with them. Just make sure that they arent toggling the line of reality and “in my deepest dreams.” Expecting your mate to have a vehicle, a career/decent job, an educaton (formal or informal), good grammar may appear to be superficial to some but I honestly think these are just standards. Now if you, yourself dont possess any of these things and hardly working towards these basics then you my friend are requesting a lot. People that are more established like to be with someone that is EQUALLY established.

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Those With Potential

This type is usually the hardest to evaluate whether or not to give a shot. These are the ones that have dreams, smart, and have the potential to be very successful if they just apply themselves. The dilhemma arises because sometimes with the right push, motivatior/believer behind them they become motivated and encouraged to follow their dreams/successes. But, that isnt always the case. With all the potential in the world and encouraging force behind them, the Potentials STILL dont live up to their potenial. No woman or man wants to put all the work and energy into a relationship that their mate cant meet them halfway on regardless of how much you love that person. Potential does not pay bills or put food on the table, but in the same breathe you dont want to get so caught up in the fact that that person is not where you want them to be that you overlook their efforts and hustle to change their circumstances. So basically with this one, actions speak louder than words. If their hustle matches their desire to fulfill their dreams then he/she may be worth giving a chance and just use that time to build on the relationship.

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Compromise

If you have high standards you must be willing to compromise on some of them. No single person is going to meet all of the qualities you seek; just make sure you dont compromise the important ones. Example: dont pass up a good guy or woman because she doesnt have the physique you desire but she holds all the other personality and life qualities. Looks change and you can find ways to work with him or her together without being an asshole about it. Now, on the other hand if you just arent attracted to that person; you just arent attracted to them, but refrain one again from being a douchbag about it.

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Low Standards

This is never good. In your mind, you may believe that you are just being open and flexible and going with the flow. Ummm…thats cool to an extent. Keep in mind that what you allow determines how a person will treat you. If those standards are not in place in the beginning it certainly is not going to work later because your mate has already gotten accustomed to a certain way and please beleieve they will fight tooth and nail to keep things how they are to their advantage. You will be accused of changing and that is okay. Change is not always a bad thing. If he/she cannot accept the changes you are making then its just simply time to move on.

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People with low standards tend to be more passive and less confident and those with higher standards are more assertive and knowing of their worth. I myself have gone from low standards to high standards and I make no apologies for it.

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Please Please Please…….

Dont confuse high standards with Gold Digging. Gold diggers qualities are mostly all centered around money and material things. Someone with high standards seeks someone that is honest, trustworthy, ambitious, educated (formally/informally) established within a career and has a vehicle, whether it be honda or a benz. Know the difference and know your worth.

What are your standards and views on dating standards?

Love,

Mohna Lyssaa

Homie Lover Friend

Can two people of the opposite sex have a strictly platonic relationship? This topic is always a very interesting one. I find that men tend to disagree more so than women that men and women cannot have a friendship without there being some form of interest by one of two parties involved. And let one of the two or both be attractive….then the chances of the friendship being platonic are really slim to nil, in their eyes. This tends to come up a lot for me due to the fact my best friend is a male. Even when we first met and weren’t even at the best friend status yet, our friendship always seemed to raise eyebrows. We never dated, attempted to date, kissed, or anything of that nature but because other people declared us to be good looking people they automatically assume their is more to our relationship than what we let on. I always find it very amusing and just comical that others put so much concern into our friendship even after we both say its nothing more to it. Unfortunately, my BFF has had a harder time with this than me. I haven’t been in very many relationship and the few that I have been in wouldn’t really say a whole lot and just kinda approach it with a we shall see type of thing. I remember one guy in particular who emphatically did not believe we had a strictly platonic friendship. He went as far as to ask me if we had sex together and when I said “No,” he proceeded to basically say there is no way that he isn’t at least attracted to you therefore not making out friendship platonic. I also tend to hear from guys a lot that they don’t want their significant other to have a male best friend, as if you have control over that.

Now, B’s experiences have been a little different. Once his past girlfriends or women he is just simply dating catches wind of me, he is typically bombarded with inquisitive questions wanting to know the history of our relationship. Some even going as far as to as if we love one another. Ummm, is that a trick question? All I could do was laugh. And then once they see a picture of me and have a face to put with the name, oh my Jesus, then all types of insecurities are exposed. With me being single almost my entire adult life I haven’t had to deal with this too much but I do wonder what kind of issues it might impose once I do begin to date again and develop a serious relationship. Now, I do believe that two people of the opposite sex can in fact be friends. It is very rare, to find this type of friendship for whatever reason. Often times too I find that men don’t believe this type of relationship can exist their close female friend is usually someone that they slept with. Even if she isn’t his best friend, because of his past or current actions, he cant believe that this type of friendship can exist.

I personally believe that when two people take their time in getting to know one another and allowing that trust and bond to grow then their wouldn’t be an issue. Now, on the other hand, cant no new people be poppin’ up that ain’t been there before and all of a sudden ya’ll best friends. Miss me with the bull@!%$. I like having a friend of the opposite that I can hang with, chill with, talk to, etc without there being any form of sexual tension and/or having to worry about going to the “next level.” Why is it often times expected that when you get along well with someone like a BFF that it only makes sense to date? Then things get awkward and the friendship isn’t quite the same. Well that’s too much complication for me and I say “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”

I’ve even seen the memes on facebook and instagram where the two people getting down with the get down and the caption reads “We just friends.”  What do you guys think? Do you think there is a such thing as a strictly platonic friendship with two people of the opposite sex?