Apologize I Will Not

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The only way I can really describe it, is that it feels like the oxygen is being let back into my lungs. My skin is now getting its color back and the curves of my lips are once more in a comfort being turned up.
The deep gray clouds that took home over me are now dissipating and the aftermath is another octave of elevation in my centerness within myself.
A spiritual growth. An emotion rebuilding.
I’ve gone through this once before but it was influenced heavily by others and how I was left feeling after being let down..
This time around it was all internal.
I kept ignoring the feelings telling myself, “this isn’t the right time. You don’t have the time to break down now.”
And the more I ignored it and didn’t take ME seriously and figured I’s just await whatever this was to pass….
It didn’t. It only got worse until it grew to the point I couldn’t breathe.
The simplest things upset me.
I could no longer control my emotional breakdowns.
I could sleep 12 hours and still feel like I only laid down for 5 minutes.

This darkness crept in without my permission and some of it I could place and some of it I cannot… and a portion of it I’m starting to unpack with reluctance.
I isolated myself. I withdrew into me.
The best way for me to repair myself was to attend to myself properly and I couldn’t do that with constant questions of concern, worry and their emotions being latched to mine. I needed that space so I took that space…
And as I am blooming back to fullness, I make no apologies for my ‘MEcation’.
I for once made myself a priority.
And to keep the growth going I have been research therapy options because I want my mind and heart to be as sound as it can possibly be.

This world is harsh. Unforgiving. People are harsh. Unforgiving. Extreme in expectations and I just needed to mute that shit as much as I could.
The mind is a fragile place and I want to keep mine intact.
I don’t feel the same. Not really sure if I’m suppose to.
But I feel even stronger than my last bought of this.
And my picture is once again coming back into focus.

In the name of Self care and in honor of May being Mental Health Awareness month this is my current state of being as I am pulling myself back up.

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